An introduction from your new 2024 SCW Hostess

Welcome to the Soft Cock Appreciation Movement!

My name is Erica Leroye and I have the great honor of carrying forward the movement that is Soft Cock (Appreciation) Week. I met Michelle Renee in early 2023 while attending the online Intimacy Professionals Group that she hosts. I was immediately blown away by her knowledge, enthusiasm, professionalism, curiosity, passion, and authentic desire to build community, especially for us daring to be touch professionals interfacing with the worlds of sex education, sexual health and sex therapy. On one of our calls she mentioned Soft Cock Week and my whole being immediately perked up with enthusiasm. I offered to help behind the scenes in 2023, get a sense of what the mission and values are, and ended up primarily being a supportive sounding board for Michelle as she figured out how to create something that brought only “enthusiastic yes!” to her workload. What a great role model for staying true to the body’s wisdom and striving for balance while still being a community organizer! As we worked together Michelle shared that while this was an important impulse for her to bring forward, where she was going with her work in the world was taking other directions and she asked me if I would be interested in taking over as Hostess/Creative Director. It was absolutely a full-bodied enthusiastic “YES!” for me.

I love myself a soft cock to play with and learn from. My first experience of really falling head over heels for a soft penis came in my early 40s. My partner at the time had what he called “erectile flow issues” due to “psychological trauma from a past relationship” and like many men I have since met in similar situations, he instead found joy in his skills as a giver. While that was delightful, I’m a woman who does enjoy penetrative sex. Rather than shame or denigrate my lover for how his body worked, we instead used this natural “ebb and flow” to broaden our definition of “sex” and what time together sharing our bodies, our hearts, our ecstatic orgasmic energies, could be. I delighted in feeling his changing shape in my mouth, my hand, my vagina. I loved seeing his body alight as I took my time with his cock, curious where the nerve endings signaled pleasure through his body and up to his brain. We were in our Oxytocin bubble, deeply in love, and sharing ourselves together in ways I had never imagined possible. His “ebbs and flows” were the portal to a whole new way of me understanding what “sex” could be. When his penis needed a rest we found other ways to keep the erotic energy moving between us, we discovered turn-ons that had been buried away and new ones that surprised us as they emerged. There was no pressure for his penis to perform, only an invitation that our time was sacred, fun, respite, rejuvenation. It was a learning curve for sure, but what we discovered was that vital “Cock” energy existed, nay flourished, even when the body was flaccid. But in my desire to care for the tender psychology and speak only praises to my beloved, fearful that the strides we had made could easily diminish through wrong tone or word choice,  I held my tongue about something I had been noticing. We had remediated the blood flow, he had regained a “girth” and stamina he was proud of,  but I was aware that there was something happening in the ejaculatory system, or not happening as the case would be. He was having “retrograde ejaculation” where the ejaculate is absorbed back into the body instead of pouring out the urethral opening. His orgasms were like Tantra which was fabulous, but I like that final blow, it stimulates something in my own responses, and so I was aware of something but couldn’t voice it. And then, at the height of our relationship, weeks after he proposed a lifetime engagement together,  my beloved died in his sleep of undiagnosed diabetes and in hindsight the “ebb and flow” and the retrograde ejaculation had been the tell. What I thought I was doing as loving service by keeping my observations to myself turned out to be a fatal decision. My life fell apart that year, the cascade of grief enormous, and I set about on a new path, to “De-Mystify the International Erectile Epidemic” and make sure that others do not lose their lives or the lives of those they love because we don’t talk openly about what’s happening with men’s bodies. So when Michelle asked me if I would like to take over Soft Cock Week, it felt like the natural next step.

I became a Certified Sexological Bodyworker ( the country’s only state board of education approved vocational training specifically for genital focused bodywork) in 2012. I have had the opportunity to meet so many different phalluses and each one has something to teach me about their journeys. I have been up close and personal with penises that will never get hard again due to medical complications and with johnsons who have been soft for years/decades and have re-awakened under my tutelage. I have helped men delineate what is physical, what is physiological, what is psychological, what is existential, and free themselves up from unnecessary pressure and expectations in the pursuit of health and pleasure. In all of this I have learned that most of us have had terrible sex education and that a basic lack of acceptance for what is the natural variability in the penis can really do a number on the mind and create so much unnecessary tension in relationships.

This year I have chosen as a theme “We Are In This Together”. This arose for me the other night as I reflected on what I have learned in my years as a sexual health and well-being educator focused primarily on cis-men as well as in my personal life as a partner and advocate for Black and Brown men who are at highest risk for death when sexual health issues are ignored or avoided. I have sat with men in their pleasure, their anguish, their confusion, their bliss, and I am constantly amazed how I am often the only one who they share this with. I have seen men learn new health and vitality skills that they are so proud of, yet refuse to discuss with their partners and peers. Growing up in the 70s/80s/90s I had the privilege of the “Women’s Liberation/Consciousness Raising” movement leading the way for women to become more comfortable learning about our bodies, talking openly about our bodies, our sexuality, our fears and desires. Over my lifetime I have watched the significant changes in breast, ovarian, and cervical cancer rates decline. How is it acceptable that prostate cancer is still the second leading cause of cancer death in men and that funding for preventative screening and early detection is still not a given? I have seen tremendous strides in pelvic health care especially for pre- and postpartum women. Yet very few practitioners specialize in male pelvic pain, let alone male pelvic pleasure. Conversations and innovations about perimenopause and menopause are blooming so that younger women will benefit from our collective wisdom around this inevitable part of life. But where are the conversations about andropause and the natural changes the male body goes through as part of the normal aging process? Culturally, I have seen traditional media change representations of female bodies to encompass a much broader view of body positivity and acceptance, not as much for men. It hasn’t been overnight, it’s clearly still a battle, but as someone who started out back in 1991 in alternative health for women, I have the perspective that through consciousness raising, in your face conversations, and insistence on funding for research, big changes have happened. “We Are In This Together” is my rallying cry for the year. The arousal system is complex, requiring many moving parts to work together. As educators and professionals the more we bring our expertise together the more we can innovate a truly wholistic perspective and more viable paths forward. As artists and content creators we can bring more images of bodies in all shapes and sizes into the erotic mind. As seekers for more information and support, the more we share our stories, our wisdom, our questions, our needs, the more we can stop being afraid or ashamed to talk about AND CARE FOR the wonder that is the penis, be it soft, be it hard, be it all the deliciousness in between. 

I look forward to being on this journey with you and seeing what arises as the year unfolds. Please feel free to reach out, We Are In This Together!

Erica